Traders are a funny bunch.
In my long career performing due diligence on them and working to get them funded, I have been able to witness the full extent of their creativity – creativity that can even put Pinocchio to shame!
I can honestly say that I have heard pretty much every excuse from traders dying to get lucky with other people’s money. Initially, this would get me pretty ticked off – but over time, I started finding it really amusing. Now, their lies never cease to crack me up, always serving to add just the right amount of humor necessary to liven up any routine sort of day.
Here are five of the funniest BS excuses bad traders have given me when their stories just didn’t add up under close scrutiny (paraphrased by yours truly for an enhanced humorous effect):
-
“Just give me access to a real account and I’ll show you how talented I really am!” Right! This is a common excuse inexperienced traders use when they have nothing to show for it. They want you to put some money in an account, so they can proceed to display their talents (or lack thereof!). “But if the account is small, what harm can come from it?” – some of you may ask. It’s actually not so much about the money, but more about the principle. If a trader is not already successful, letting him gamble with $1,000 to $5,000 of your hard earned money is not going to make him any more so. In fact, if you fall for the test-me-with-a-small-account-and-you’ll-see-what-I-can-do excuse often enough, you’ll be standing in front of the corner store holding a cup in your hand pretty quickly.
-
“I didn’t place those trades. That was another trader!” If you’re in this business long enough, you’ll come across this excuse sooner or later. It is typically the work of art of a Dr.-Jeckyl-and-Mr.-Hyde sort of trader; someone whose performance looks good during a given period and horrible during another. The culprit wants you to believe that the poor performance in question is the work of a different trader who managed the account either at the same time or previously. In the past, I even came across a currency trader who blamed specific EURUSD losing trades on another (imaginary) party and asked me to exclude them from my evaluation. “Doesn’t my track record look stellar after that?!?” The nerve!!!
-
“I can’t explain how I trade. I just have a good ‘feel’ for the market.” Common! Really?!? Do you think I was born yesterday?!? It’s sad to know how many times a day trader I’ve dealt with has pulled this arrow out of his quiver. Often times, when a trader experiences an initial, quick burst of success (or should I say, “luck?”), he might become cocky and think he can take over the world. The reality, however, is that this trader might not fully understand his methodology in detail. He may not have even thought out carefully how to handle a prolonged dry spell in the future due to a change in market environment, liquidity, etc. While he may try to convince you that there’s a completely logical “method to his madness,” it’s nothing more but self delusion in action.
-
“You haven’t lost anything until you sell.” This is another form of self delusion that is responsible for an endless number of blow-ups in the trading universe – many of which I have witnessed. I get this excuse often when I peek under the hood and see relatively large, negative positions open in a trader’s account. It is actually a very common occurrence. Why? Because while many day traders are quick to pull the trigger once a trade goes positive, they don’t have the psychological makeup or experience to exit a trade that goes South quickly. As a result, they brainwash themselves into erroneously believing that the market will eventually come back or retrace, making their losing trades positive. A total absurdity! This excuse is one that makes me reject a trader right on the spot. No excuses!
-
“My dog ate my statements!” I actually like my 7-year-old’s version of this one a lot better! At least it is more believable! All kidding aside, this is probably the most classic and hilarious excuse I get from traders who can’t provide any verifiable proof that their performance is real. It comes in many forms….”My computer crashed and I lost all my trading history,” “My broker went belly up and I can’t access the information,” “My investor ran away with all the money I had made him and didn’t pay me,” blah, blah, blah. This one needs no explanation. It’s a classic!
Even though this is only a small sampling of the funny excuses crappy traders have blessed me with over the years, I hope you enjoyed them. A word of caution, however…if one day you decide to trade professionally for a living and apply for a position via my trading career program, please be a bit more creative and come up with YOUR OWN excuses. You can do that, can’t you? Lol
If you know any other funny trading excuses and would like to share them with me, please add them in the comments section below.
Furthermore, make sure to request a demo of the trading simulator (if you haven’t done so already) and follow the steps highlighted on my home page. Like that, you will never have to make up any excuses of your own!
Happy Trading!
